The Loneliness Epidemic
Have you ever felt … alone? Maybe you are lonely right now … longing for deeper relationships. You long for the roots of the other trees in your life. Well, you are not the only one. Loneliness is more than a feeling; it’s a public health crisis.
Several years ago, then U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy raised awareness about the American loneliness epidemic and its serious consequences. In his 2023 report, “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” Murthy highlighted the links between loneliness and increased risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. Young people are especially affected, with 79% of adults aged 18-24 reporting feeling lonely, compared to 41% of those 66 and older.
What is the solution? Murthy suggests we foster deeper connections with others through relationships, service, and community. .That sounds like something the church can offer. Murthy said, “Building community is one of the most important things we can do for our health and wellbeing.” By prioritizing genuine connections and collective purpose, we can address loneliness and its widespread impact on mental and physical health.[1]
Can the church cure loneliness? I believe it can. Paul believed it can. In 1 Timothy 5:1-16, Paul offers four guidelines for life in God’s family. If we follow those guidelines … we can produce an antidote to loneliness. What are they? (1) Relational RESPECT. (2) Practical PROVISION. (3) Esteem Your ELDERS. (4) Participate with PURPOSE. If we follow those guidelines … the church can show the world sometime different—an antidote to loneliness.
Relational Respect
As we enter chapter 5, Paul begins to outline this intergenerational relational respect in the family of God. Look how he begins:
Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-2, ESV)
Wow. So these verses come on the heels of 1 Timothy 4:12. There, Paul told Timothy, a young man, the example he should set. But how does that play out? He gives examples in vv. 1-2 moving from older to younger and male to female.
First, in the family of God, treat older men as if they were your father. Do not “rebuke” and older man, he says. This is not to say that an older man never needs correction. However, the ESV obscures the sharpness of this word. It should read, “do not rebuke an older man harshly.” Why? Because this would communicate disrespect. Correct … but gently in love. Younger people have an opportunity to set an example in SPEECH.
Second, treat younger men as brothers. How many of you out there have younger brothers? How many of you are younger brothers? Its very easy for the older siblings to look down on their younger brothers … who can be a bit rowdy. This clause is a challenge for the older members of the congregation—don’t dismiss younger men—they are your brothers!
Third, Paul moves onto the older women and younger women. They are to be considered mothers and sisters. He adds an important clause here—“with all purity.” Timothy is to set an example in PURITY. This is a reminder to set up appropriate guardrails so that there are no temptations for inappropriate romantic relationships. You must respect relationships with both older women and younger women.
Paul’s challenge for us in these first two verses is this: develop respectful intergenerational relationships. This is a key component to curing loneliness. In our world, it is so easy to break into our age groups and complain about others. And then, add social media in the mix and people use their platforms to tear others down. The older people complain about the younger people and their music choices! The younger people complain about the older people and their inflexibility!
Let me offer two popular examples: The BOOMERS and the ZOOMERS. I’ll bet we have representatives of each in the room.The “Baby Boom Generation” and the “Gen Z” generation often trade barbs at one another through online memes. The generation following “Gen Z,” my kids generations, is being called “Gen Alpha.” I’m sorry … but if you call someone part of the Alpha Generation we are already setting them up for narcissistic tendancies. “I’m the Alpha.”
But back to the boomers and zoomers. When the younger people don’t want to hear from the other people … what is the popular insult? “Ok, Boomer.” In other words … you don’t know what you are talking about. And then the Boomers look at the Zoomers and say, “You don’t know what you are talking about.” Then the GenX and Millenials start to get in on the action as well. Do any of these conversations communicate respect?
Practical Provision
Beginning in v. 3, Paul offers a practical way the church is called to help those who are lonely and hurting. He offers an extended treatment of how to care for widows. While this is the example, the principal centers on caring for the most vulnerable among us … especially in your own family.
A very practical example is widows. Paul writes this:
Honor widows who are truly widows. (1 Timothy 5:3, ESV)
I want you to notice two clauses. The first is the command: “Honor Widows.” This is an imperative in the Greek—a command. The fact that Paul addresses this topic—and spends 12 verses discussing it—means that it was an issue in the Ephesian Church. A “widow,” if you don’t know, is a woman whose husband has died and she has not remarried. The word, “honor,” meant to give them what they are due—particularly as it related to finances. Because the husband often earned the money, widows in the ancient world often had no way to earn money … and they needed help. That word can also be used of “honoring the gods,” which shows up in the next verse where Paul makes this a matter of religious duty.[2] Second, the qualification, “who are truly widows,” may seem a bit perplexing. What did this mean? Isn’t it clear who the widows are? The phrase means, “the widows who are really in need.” In other words, this applies to widows who have no family to care for them—then the church must step in to help.
This introduces an important principal: Family are the first responders! Your family is a mini church. Before the church was formed, there was the family—and it serves as a picture of God’s family. But you must care for your family first. Paul continues in this line:
But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. (1 Timothy 5:4, ESV)
Notice the important principals outline here: children and grandchildren are called to provide practical provision for their parents and grandparents who may be widows. What are they called to do? Show godliness … “to their own household” … and make a return to their parents. If you do this … God is pleased. The word, “honor,” in verse 3 echoes the fifth commandment—honor your father and mother. That command, of course, has a qualification to it—“honor your father and mother … that it may go well with you (Eph. 6:3).” Why are widows mentioned … but not the men? A little cultural background would be helpful …
In the Greco-Roman world, men were the ones who made financial provisions for the family. As such, women whose husbands died could find themselves with no means of support, especially if children would not help. This was the background for the first deacons in Acts 6. In the ancient world, widows were particularly vulnerable to exploitation. Jesus himself recognized this and denounced the religious leaders who “devoured widow’s houses (Lk. 20:47).”
Women who were really in need were lacking support from their relatives … they needed the church’s help. Paul seems to be challenging individual Christians here—take care of your family! However, he is also challenging the church—take care of those who don’t have a family!
Church, God’s heart is for the widows. Care for orphans and widows receives sizeable attention throughout the Old and New Testament. Most notable is how God himself is described in Psalm 68:5. God is …
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. (Psalm 68:5, ESV)
God is a protector of widows. (Pause) And if God is a protector of widows … should not his church do the same as a reflection of his character? Additionally, Jesus himself cared about widows by citing them in his parables (Lk. 18) and highlighting their faith (Lk. 21). Now, why is God’s heart, in particular, drawn to widows and orphans—why do they get so much of his attention in scripture? Because they are amongst the most vulnerable classes of people. They have experienced the effects of the fall in a tangible way. And God’s heart is drawn to the vulnerable—never forget that.
Esteem Your Elders
Our American culture idolizes youth. Does anyone else feel that? This is not as big a problem in other cultures who esteem their elders far better than we do. In other cultures … it’s the opposite. Have you ever seen the Disney movie Encanto? Who runs the family and garners the respect? Abuela. Age and experience is something to be attained. But in America, people are always trying to look younger … stay younger … dress younger. How much money do we spend trying to look younger than we actually are? Advertisers want young people hooked on their products. Politicians are trying to capture the youth vote. At some point … you just need to act your age friends. This is a problem that is felt outside the church …
In a New York Times article, actress Frances McDormand spoke out against what she called Hollywood’s and America’s “perverse fixation on youth.” McDormand said:
“There’s no desire to be an adult. Adulthood is not a goal. It’s not seen as a gift. Something happened culturally: No one is supposed to age past 45—[in terms of dress, cosmetics, or attitudes]. Everybody dresses like a teenager. Everybody dyes their hair. Everybody is concerned about a smooth face.”[3]
“There is no desire to be an adult.” Let me just say … we need more adults. We need more people with life experience who can offer wisdom. But if you are a senior … Paul now offers a challenge for you:
Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. (1 Timothy 5:9-10, ESV)
Notice here that Paul offers further qualifications for supporting widows. The first one has to do with age. Why? In Roman society, age 60 was thought to be the cut off for widows to remarry. Or, if you were under 60, you could potentially work. In other words, if you were under 60, you could fend for yourself or find another husband. This age requirement was an issue of qualification. The church had limited resources and wanted to steward them well—they wanted to help those who really needed it.
What’s interesting, now, is that Paul offers some more qualifications that sound like deacons from chapter 3. This widow should have been a “one-man woman.” Her life should have been marked by fidelity in her marriage. Her reputation should be one of good works. What are those good works? She raised children, was hospitable, washed the feet of saints—which was an ancient custom of showing honor—and she helped those in need.
The end of v. 10 is a summary—she has devoted herself to “good work or good deeds.” Now, you may be asking, why is there a long list of qualifications? Paul is likely offering a type of policy for who should be prioritized in support since the church has limited resources.
Participate with Purpose
v. 9-10 serve as a guideline for the type of widow the church should support. They also serve as an example for younger widows to follow. Paul has some sharp words for younger widows in the final verses of this chapter:
But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. (1 Timothy 5:11-12, ESV)
Woah … hold up Paul! What do you have against the younger widows in the church? Don’t they deserve help as well? I know at face value in the English, this verse sounds harsh. However, there is more to his reasoning. It was common for enrolled widows to take a pledge of singleness—the word for “faith (Pistis)” in this verse. It is most likely that Paul did not think younger widows—who could remarry—should be bound by that pledge. His concern was that they would not be able to keep their oath of singleness and would marry anyway—possibly to an unbeliever—thus bringing judgment on themselves by walking away from Jesus.
Paul highlights more concerns in vv. 13-15:
Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. For some have already strayed after Satan. (1 Timothy 5:13-15, ESV)
Paul’s concern in v. 13 is that younger widows would not be able to concentrate of responsible service. They would get distracted by worldly concerns. They would be “idlers, gossips and busybodies.” The idea of “gossip” conveys a meaning of speech similar to Paul’s concern for the false teachers. In fact, it might mean that these women have been won over by the false teaches and have abandoned the true gospel. As Paul says in v. 15—“some have strayed after Satan.”—they are outside the faith. In sum, the point here is a lack of productive service to the kingdom.
A Ministry of Benevolence
So what does this all mean for me? There are three key principals from this passage I want you to takeaway with you. Three principals that should guide us individually, and corporately, as we think about caring ministries. This passage captures the essence of benevolence minstry for the Christian. Benevolence simply means to perform kind and charitable acts—to give generously.
First, when it comes to care, Family are First Responders. What does that look like … for you? I want to challenge you individually to think about benevolence. Are there ways you need to provide for your family now? Are there future preparations you need to make to care for your parents or grandparents? God puts us in families and gives responsibilities to care for them—so take some time to plan. If there are needs down the road, planning can make a big difference. It can help your loved one feel cared for and not alone. By being proactive, you are participating in God’s ministry of care with purpose. There is beauty in the sacred duty of caring for your parents who once cared for you.
Second, the church is a second line safety net. In other words, we can’t help everyone … so we need to care for people when their relatives cannot. At MBC, we have two monetary funds that serve in this capacity. First, we have our ENCOURAGEMENT FUND, which focuses on smaller gifts to help people with groceries, or let them know we are thinking about them. Generally, these gifts are no more than $500.00. Second, we do have a BENEVOLENCE FUND to assist with larger needs. And, much like Paul outlined a process for choosing which widows to support, we do have a Benevolence Team and application to assess who we will help. If you are in need of assistance, you can contant Gary Isler who heads up that team.
Finally, Paul calls us to priortize care for the most vulnerable among us. In this passage, widows were the case study. However, there are more marginalized people. Ask yourself this week—are there vulnerable people I can help? Are there ministries that serve the vulnerable I can support? All of our local partner ministries, including Feeding Hands, help the vulnerable. First Choice protects the unborn. Young Lives helps teenage moms. City Relief helps the unhoused. Market Street ministers to those in addiction. A ministry like Joni and Friends cares for the disabled. How can you priortize the vulnerable? And when you do … ministry to the lonely will come center stage.
Can the church cure loneliness? Yes … yes it can. If we follow God’s guidelines for the family: respectful relationships, practical provision, esteem your elders, and participating with purpose. By living that out, we become the hands and feet of Jesus to those we love.
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[1] Aditi Shrikant, “U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy: This is ‘one of the most powerful antidotes to loneliness’,” CNBC (1-6-25)
[2] Kostenberger, 5:3
[3] Frank Bruni, “A Star Who Has No Time for Vanity,” New York Times (10-15-14)
